Have you had your tetanus shot today?

I have to admit that my college years were long enough ago that I feel old talking to some of my colleagues. My parents would roll their eyes at that statement, but there is something about being 10 years out of college and your ability to question the current generation. I am, however, not here to question college students. They continue to work very hard and at the end of a long four days, play very hard as well. What I do want to question are the facilities that house their parties.

When I mention the name “F&M”s to any person who went to a local university in New Orleans, they say, “oh, I spent my fair share of time at F&Ms when at Tulane.” Some local high school graduates might say the same. So, when it was mentioned to me that F&Ms was the spot of the after party to our annual holiday party, I felt compelled to go. (I have ventured to Fat Harry’s, F&M’s was next.) F&M’s surprised me. It starts with a dingy bar in the front with a block for a stage in the middle. (My college self was really excited about the opportunity to dance on a table.) As I venture deeper into the back, I was surprised my the spacious, themed rooms that followed. There is a luau themed space with a back patio that’s playing Classic 70s, 80s, and 90s rock. You can’t even hear the Ke$ha playing in the front room. Up the stairs houses the official “club” atmosphere with flashy lights, its own bar and packed dancers backing it up. All of this was really fun. I can’t lie, I enjoyed myself. That is, until I went to the bathroom.

There should be a sign on the bathroom door that says, “Caution, come in only if you have recently had all of your shots!” Ok, I totally understand. College parties are gross. As former house manager of Turner Eating House at Davidson, I had to clean up my fair share of bathrooms the day afterward. Mixtures of beer, champagne, and moonshine would cake the floor and the aroma of stale beer and cigarettes would stain the house. F&M’s restrooms, however, take all of that dinginess to the next level.

The doors have no locks so I had to squat while holding the door. The door is covered with graffiti and grime to the point that I didn’t really want to hold it with my hands, so I tried to hold the door with my leg while squatting over the porcelain commode. If I was up on my yoga, I am sure I would still struggle with this move. While I was trying to maintain my balance, I look over to my left to find a large blue exposed pipe with a hole in it. What did F&Ms decide to stop up the hole? Toilet paper! I

might have yelped a little bit as my overactive imagination pictured nutria trying to come out of the pipe and join the party. Poor rodent would just be met with stopped up toilet paper. I was not surprised to find regular pink soap sitting on the sink, a dearth of paper towels and college students not even wanting to look into the mirror to
check if their mascara had run.

Please don’t get me wrong; I thoroughly enjoyed myself at this establishment. The staff was friendly, the youngin’s were frolicking and I found myself missing my best friend from college who would pull me up on stage and make me dance like no one was watching. However, here are my words of caution before entering this wicked venue: make sure you are up to date on Tetanus and HepB before you try to go into this place. If you don't want to chance it,  go down the street to Grits to visit with Lou. Stay classy, F&Ms!